


Astrantia

by Icecreamy



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cute?, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Humor, HyungWonho - Freeform, I have homework, Light showhyuk, M/M, Romance, hanahaki, lol what am i doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:20:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8502262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecreamy/pseuds/Icecreamy
Summary: All Hoseok wanted to do was get closer.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I am back with my second fic, which will probably be 3-5 chapters. I don't know haha. Enjoy!  
> (P.S I didn't really edit it... my bad.)

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned.

**

It started in their senior year, when Hoseok realized his feelings for him. He had been subconsciously watching him all the time, when he walked into the class, when he laughed, when he worked, it was all so beautiful to him. He was just so wonderful in Hoseok’s eyes.

And that was why he was determined to become closer to him, to break down that strong wall that he had set up, and to hold him and be held by him. Hoseok knew Hyungwon was aware of him, but they hadn’t talked much. In general, Hyungwon never talked much to anyone, he was always busy as a student council president, with perfect grades and a job to always occupy him.

But that was okay, because Hoseok admired all that. And soon, before he could even realize how the time passed by, they were graduating. Hoseok still wasn’t close enough, only to have hung out a few times with him, and greeting each other when they met in the hallways. Hoseok felt stuck.

That is, until he heard Hyungwon mention what college he was going to. It was like an immediate reaction, he applied the minute he got home and was thankfully accepted a few weeks later.

Hoseok’s family had a good financial status, so his parents didn’t mind that the college was a few hundred miles away. They wanted him to have the best experience, so there he was in his own apartment.

An apartment that was, of course, only a 3 minute walk away from Hyungwon.

Hoseok was determined, he wanted to always be with Hyungwon.

He only had one class with him, as they were going towards different majors. Hoseok worked towards photography and Hyungwon towards law. That one class was Korean. Hoseok made sure to sit near Hyungwon whenever he could, spiking up a conversation every now and then.

He only fell harder in love.

The more time he spent with Hyungwon, the more his heart raced, and the more he’d blush whenever Hyungwon touched him.

But he fell too hard.

It started one morning, when he woke up with a stuffy feeling in his throat, and a horrible case of nausea. He ran towards the bathroom, heaving over the toilet.

Petals fell out of his mouth, beautiful white petals.

He had heard of this disease, it’s what happens when people fall too hard. He had recognized the petals too. It was Astrantia, Hyungwons favorite.

\--

Three years later, Hoseok is still vomiting petals. The amount growing by one more everyday. He was thankful, the doctor told him that he had the slow type of Hanahaki. He predicted four more years for Hoseok, and told him to do something about it before his life slowly faded away, or else they’d have to perform surgery on him.

Hoseok knew he had to confess, he didn’t want to lose his feelings for Hyungwon through surgery, even though he knew he’d probably relapse. Hyungwon was just so perfect.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed.

 **Hyungwon:** Are we still meeting today?

 **Hoseok:** Of course! Are you there already?

 **Hyungwon:** Yeah, I’ll be waiting.

Hoseok ran around his house, trying to hurry it up and leave. He grabbed his keys and made his way towards the door, but before he could unlock it, he felt the feeling again. He vomited the white petals at least once a day, sometimes more when Hyungwon made his heart race even faster than it usually did, and right now was todays.Running towards the bathroom, he covered his mouth in an attempt to not let them spill.

He heaved until he felt empty. His breathing always felt easier after his daily vomiting. He stared at the white petals and sighed. Flushing away the petals, he ran to make his way to Hyungwon.

\--

“You’re late.”

Hyungwon eyed him, his arms crossed over his chest.

“I’m sorry! Something happened on the way here but it’s fine I took care of it.”

“What happened?”

“Oh nothing that bad.”

“If it’s not bad,why aren’t you telling me?”

Hoseoks heartbeat sped up. He damned Hyungwon for being a lawyer, always managing to make Hoseok speechless. It explained a lot though, because Hyungwon was the top in all his classes. Hoseok admired that about Hyungwon as well.

“It’s… a little personal, but don’t worry! It’s nothing, really!”

“I’ll get it out of you soon.” Hyungwon stared at him, soon interrupted by the waitress. Hoseok saw that this waitress liked Hyungwon, knowing that he was a regular at this place.

“Have you made your mind on what you’ll have?” Her annoying voice slowing rising in pitches. She giggled and glanced at Hyungwon every now and then.She irritated Hoseok, but he had to keep his calm.  

After they placed their orders, she took their menus and skipped away. Hoseok sighed in relief.

“I think she has feelings for you.”

Hoseok choked on his spit.

“What? Hyungwon are you joking?”

“I’m serious! The way her voice changed and her giggling every 2 seconds. I’ve studied psychology, I know.”

Of course Hyungwon didn’t notice her staring at him. Hyungwon was good at reading people, but when it came to people feeling towards him he was the most oblivious person ever.

“Well, if she does actually like me, I’ll have to reject her.”

“Why?”

“Well… I like someone else.” Hoseok’s cheeks flushed red. Maybe today he’d finally tell him.

Hyungwon smiled and leaned back in his seat. Hoseok’s heartbeat only quickened.

“Do you really now?”

“Yeah, do you like someone?”

Hyungwon raised a brow at him.

“I would but… I don’t have time for love and whatsoever. So, at the moment, no.”

Hoseoks heart dropped, a little. His chest ached, but it was okay. At least Hyungwon didn’t have someone on his mind. He’d have to work harder, to get Hyungwon to notice him. He started coughing, starting with small coughs as they slowly got harder. He felt the petals climbing up his throat.

“Hyungwon, excuse me for a little. I’ll be back in a little.” He managed to choke out. Hyungwon was a little suspicious of him, and watched as Hoseok got out of his seat and speed walked towards the bathroom.

Hoseok covered his mouth, feeling the pressure of the petals fighting against his hand. He swung the door open and rushed for the stall.

He heaved over the toilet, having no control over the amount of petals that fell out of his mouth. The white, pristine petals flowing out of his throat as he coughed and gagged. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, the petals stopped spilling out of him.

Maybe he wouldn’t tell Hyungwon today, seeing that if Hyungwon liked no one, he probably didn’t like him. He had to try harder though, he had to get Hyungwon to like him back. He refused to get a surgery no matter what.

\--

Hyungwon sighed, waiting for Hoseok to come back. It was true, he was so busy that he couldn’t do anything he liked. He wanted to paint, spend time with people he liked, have nightly walks with someone he liked, and do many other things. He could only do those things every now and then.

It’s true he said he didn’t like anyone but… he did have a person on his mind. His heart ached a little when he heard Hoseok mention his crush, how his smile became a little brighter, how his face flushed a soft pink. How he played with his hands and how he looked down in embarrassment.

But it was okay, if Hoseok was happy, he would be too. He could live off seeing his smile everyday.

He could live with it. Couldn’t he? He was pretty sure he could.

Hyungwon made sure to avoid falling too hard, though. He took psychology as a course in his sophomore year, but they had to learn about diseases that could infect the brain and body. Diseases that can happen when the brain focused too much on something. Especially the Hanahaki disease, where his professor spent at least 3 weeks teaching about the disease, and how it’s been infecting people more and more by the day.

They were taught on how to avoid it, so Hyungwon wasn’t worried about contracting the disease.

Hyungwon was too deep in thought to notice Hoseok walk back to his seat.

“Hyungwon? Are you okay?”

Hyungwon stared at Hoseok, watching how he smiled a little when he looked at him. Yes, he could live with watching Hoseok like this.

“Hmm? Yes I am perfectly fine. I was just thinking.” Hyungwon laughed, causing Hoseok to smile wider.

“Thinking? About what?” Hoseok asked, wondering what could have Hyungwon in such a deep phase.

“You.” Hoseoks face stiffened. He blushed a little. Could he tell him today? “Just kidding.”

Hoseoks face fell. No he couldn’t.

“Ah, Hyungwon don’t tease like that!” He covered his smile, slightly disappointed that Hyungwon took back his words.

Hyungwon only chuckled in response.

“Your food is here!”

They ate in a comfortable silence, speaking with each other every now and then.

\--

Hyungwon walked Hoseok home, even though Hoseok told him many times that it would be okay for him to go alone. Hoseok was thankful for the darkness of the night, as for if it had been any lighter Hyungwon would have probably noticed his red face.

They walked in silence. Hoseok had to start a conversation. This was an opportunity, and he didn’t want to lose it.

“Hyungwon?”

Hyungwon hummed in reply, enjoying the nice chill in the night.

“Can you tell me more about those behavioral disease you learned about in Psychology?” Hoseok asked, trying to sound smart.

“Hmm… well there was this one disease we learned about. I don’t think I already told you about it. It’s called Hanahaki. Heard of it?”

“No, but it seems familiar. What does it do?” Hoseok had to play along. His chest tightening a little.

“I think it’s one of the most painful diseases to exist. It’s caused by a unrequited one sided love, when the person falls too hard for the one they like. It’s kind of like what you feel when you’re around your crush, suffocating, uneasy, etc. Anyways, the person grows flowers inside of them and they slowly grow and grow more and more until the person dies of suffocation.”

“Wow… that’s terrifying.” Hoseok needed to get off this subject.

“It really is. You can get cured by having the person return your feelings or surgery. Though, most cases end up relapsing, and most don’t get the surgery and die. There are many though who have survived by having their feelings returned ”

“That’s a bit sad, dying because of love.”

“It is, and I’d hate for it to happen to someone I know.”

But it was too late, Hoseok was already suffering from the disease. And that was okay, because Hoseok made sure he’d confess before his 4 years are up. Whether he got rejected or not depended on Hyungwon.

He was about to change the subject, when he heard a bloodcurdling scream from behind them. He jumped and, on reflex, grabbed Hyungwons hand.

The person who screamed had dropped their fried chicken.

Hoseok sighed in relief, still a little shaken up by what happened. He didn’t realize he was holding Hyungwons hand until he felt him squeeze his hand.

Hoseoks face flushed a bright red.

“O-oh… I’m sorry Hyungwon, I-I sort of freaked out.”

He couldn’t look up at Hyungwon, and tried to let go of his hand. But Hyungwon only squeezed tighter.

“Hyungwon?”

Hoseok finally looked up at him. Hyungwon had a soft smile plastered on his face.

“Hoseok, would you like to go out for dinner again on Saturday?”

Hoseok would have to wait another week. He'd tell him on Saturday, he had to. 

“Sure” Hoseok tried smiling, but his lips shook.

The petals, they were coming back. Hoseok cursed them, they always ruined his moments. He let go of Hyungwons hand. His coughs started again.

“Hyungwon, I’ll see you tomorrow! Goodbye!” He managed to choke out without looking _that_ suspicious.

Hoseok took off, thankful that they were right in front of his house.

“Hoseok, wait!”

But Hoseok was already in his apartment. Hyungwon sighed, he wanted to go after Hoseok but he didn’t know what else to do. Spending a whole night with Hoseok was enough to make his heart feeling like its hitting his ribs harshly.

Hyungwon could do nothing but walk away, he’d call Hoseok later.

Meanwhile, Hoseok beat himself up for the damned petals.

“Ugh! You damned petals ruining everything for me!” He yelled, holding one petal in his hand.

“Yes, I’m talking to you, you bastard! Do you not know how close I was to telling Hyungwon?! Do you?!”

His yelling was interrupted by hard knocks on his wall.

“...sorry.” He whispered to his angry neighbor.

Hoseok turned in for the night, deciding it was best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this :)  
> Comments and Kudos are highly appreciated! Thank you for reading


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I am back with my second chapter. Enjoy!

Finally, after the long wait, Saturday was here. Hoseok danced around his apartment, his mood just couldn’t seem to get any better. He had his whole day planned out, how he’d meet up with Hyungwon, how he was going to get the conversation heated up, how he was going to tell him and how Hyungwon would accept him and lean in closer and clo-  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the petals climbing up his throat.  
  
He rushed to the bathroom, wincing at the pain the petals brought with them. His chest throbbed more than it usually did, his breaths were harder than usual. Hoseok tried to ignore the pain and slowly prepared to leave. Today, after all, was going to be a good day.  
  
That is, until he arrived at the campus.  
  
He happened to run into Hyungwon, his day instantly going better, and immediately greeted him.  
“Good morning Hyungwon!” Hoseok exclaimed cheerfully for 10 A.M.  
  
“Good morning” Hyungwon rubbed his eyes, sleep was still evident.  
  
“What are you doing here? You’re up pretty early for a Hyungwon.”  
  
Hyungwon smirked at him.  
  
“I honestly wish I wasn’t here right now. But my partner insists to do our project this early” He sighed a little.  
  
“Partner? This is the first time I’ve ever seen the Chae work with a partner.”  
  
Hyungwon laughed at him.  
Hoseok was on a roll today, Hyungwon smiled at him and even laughed. He felt so proud of himself.  
  
“I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t want to but we were forced to by our professor.”  
  
Hoseok laughed, it was cute seeing Hyungwon complain like this. How he would rub his eyes every now and then, how he’d yawn every 2 seconds, how his sleepy smile appeared on his face after Hoseok joked around. Hoseok wished he could see it everyday.  
  
“Who’s your-”  
  
“Hyungwon!”  
  
Oh no. It was the voice. The same high pitched voice from the restaurant. Hoseok felt slightly infuriated.  
Hyungwon turned to his partner.  
  
“Oh, well heres my partner. I’ll see you soon Hoseok.”  
  
Hoseok clenched his jaw. Oh, how he hated her. He glared at her from behind Hyungwon, but she didn’t notice. He tried to get her jealous.  
“Hyungwon, we’re still meeting up today right?” Hoseok doubted that Hyungwon would cancel, but he still had to make sure.  
  
“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we?” Hyungwon smiled at him. “I have to go now, Hoseok.”  
Hoseok watched as Hyungwon walked away with his partner, sighing at his troubles. He soon turned around and walked off to meet his partner.  
\--  
“Minhyuk… this is a _library_ , not a place for people to be making out!” Hoseok hissed at him, staring at how his partner and his boyfriend were all over each other.  
  
“Gosh, what a party pooper.” Minhyuk huffed. “At least I’m actually in a relationship, loser.”  
  
Hoseok sighed at that thought. If only he could tell Hyungwon without the dumb petals interrupting every time.  
“Minhyuk, I’ll be off. I need to finish my homework as well.” Hyunwoo said, leaning in and kissing Minhyuk on the cheek. He waved to Hoseok as he left, Minhyuk merely nodded in his direction. He had noticed Hoseoks behavior.  
  
“Sit down” Minhyuk pulled Hoseok down next to him. “What’s wrong, you poor sad muscular child”  
  
“Were all those adjectives necessary?” Hoseok got slightly annoyed, raising a brow at Minhyuk.  
  
“Of course! I can add more if you wish.”  
  
“No thanks, I’m fine without them.”  
  
“Alrighty, tell me what’s wrong, or else I’ll add more.”  
  
Hoseok didn’t know if he could tell Minhyuk. Not because he didn’t trust him, but because he never told Minhyuk about Hyungwon.  
After thinking it over for two minutes, and Minhyuk whispering adjectives that got worse by the second, he decided to tell him.  
“Okay… Minhyuk I know I never told you this but… I like Hyungwon.”  
  
“And the sky is blue Hoseok.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“My man, you better be joking if you thought I didn’t know. I’ve seen the way your eyes turn to hearts whenever he walks into the same room as you, or how you fidget when he’s close to you, or how you-”  
  
“Alright, I get it. Am I really that obvious?” Hoseok became a little concerned. If he was that obvious, how come Hyungwon never noticed? He sighed.  
  
“Yes, you are that obvious. Someone could spot it from 5 miles away.”  
  
Hoseok sighed even harder. If only Hyungwon wasn’t so oblivious, maybe they’d be somewhere right now.  
“Anyways, what’s up with Hyungwon? Did you finally confess?” Minhyuk wrapped his arm around Hoseoks shoulder, squeezing him a few times in order to comfort him. Hoseok shook his head.  
  
“Listen, there’s this girl who-”  
  
Minhyuk gasped. “Don’t tell me he likes her?!”  
  
“No, Minhyuk, god forbid that ever happens.” Minhyuk pulled a lollipop out of his pocket it, humming in reply as he ate his candy.  
  
“So basically, she works as a waitress at this place that Hyungwon really likes. And I guess he’s visited enough that she likes him now.”  
  
Minhyuk gasped. He pulled out his lollipop. “That hoe.”  
  
“Minhyuk.” Hoseok warned. Minhyuk only hummed back in reply.  
“Anyways, I never thought she’d make the moves but, today I saw her with Hyungwon!”  
  
Minhyuk, yet again gasped. “What for?”  
  
“Hyungwon said they had a project together, and I’m pretty sure it was a choose-your-own-partner project and she probably picked him. I mean I would too but, what if Hyungwon starts liking her?” Hoseok panicked at the thought.  
  
“Do you know where they went?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I said, do you know where they went?” He asked, slightly stressing each word.  
  
“Not really… but I have a pretty good idea of where they could have gone to.”  
  
“That’s enough for me.” He pulled Hoseok up. “Let’s work on this later, we have a hoe to catch!”  
Hoseok laughed lightly as Minhyuk dragged him along.

 “God, Hoseok your sense of direction is worse than Hyungwon’s obliviousness.”  
  
Hoseok scoffed at his comment. He was truly offended, but maybe, just maybe, Minhyuk had a point. They had been searching for an hour now, still unable to find Hyungwon and his partner.  
  
“Wait, I have two more places that Hyungwon could be at.”  
  
Minhyuk nearly blew up on him. “That’s what you said last time!” He crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at him.  
  
Hoseok swiftly dodged the paper. “Minhyuk, wait please, I’m sure now.”  
  
“You also said that last time!” He was about to strangle Hoseok.  
  
Hoseok ignored him and started to drag Minhyuk away, only to be interrupted by Minhyuks scream.  
“I found him! Hoseok, you owe me lunch today for my wonderful finding skills.”  
  
Hoseok rolled his eyes and nodded. He watched Hyungwon and his partner.  
There he was sitting right next to the window. Hyungwon seemed to be pretty hard at work, while his partner stared at him. Hoseok sighed like always.  
  
“Alright, now that we found him what do we do?” Hoseok asked, not having a second plan after his first goal was reached.  
  
“We go inside, obviously”  
  
“But what if he sees us?” Hoseok didn’t want to come off as creepy to Hyungwon.  
  
“Hoseok, this cafe is open for the public, and last time I checked you and I are a part of the public. Now, let’s go”  
Minhyuk forcefully dragged Hoseok into the cafe. Hoseok, of course not wanting to be seen, started to walk while crouching. He received a few weird looks from others, but it was okay. Anything to not be seen by Hyungwon.  
  
“Oh my god Hoseok, doing that makes you more noticeable! Is this seriously the first time you’ve ever stalked someone?” He whispered loud enough for Hoseok to hear him.  
  
Hoseok stared at Minhyuk for a little before getting up. He was slightly embarrassed.  
“Well excuse me, at least I don’t spend my life stalking people all the time!”  
  
“Yeah, but I’ve never been caught.” Minhyuk winked at him, which only made Hoseok groan. They ordered their drinks and sat at a table where Hyungwon couldn’t see them but they could see him. Hoseok tried his best not to stare at him too much, but failed miserably.  
  
“Wow, Hyungwon’s doing all the work. I feel bad for him.”  
  
Hoseok angrily nodded at what Minhyuk said.  
They waited for the other two to do something, and ended up waiting and watching for an hour. But nothing happened. It was just Hyungwon working the whole time while his partner oogled at him. Hoseok pitied Hyungwon a little.  
  
“Hoseok, your boyfriend is really boring and I’m hungry.” Noting that the clock said 1:00. “We should go eat!”  
  
Hoseok thought for a moment. He didn’t want to leave Hyungwon, but he knew Minhyuk was right. Nodding, he stood up.  
  
“Yay!” Minhyuk half-yelled, only to be silenced by Hoseoks glare.  
But the minute they started to leave, Hyungwon also got up. Hoseok’s eyes widened and he signaled to Minhyuk to watch what he was doing. They tried to stealthily walk past him, getting close enough to the door when Hoseok felt someone tap his shoulder.  
  
“Hoseok?”  
  
Hoseoks face froze. He stared at Minhyuk, pleading for help but Minhyuk looked away. He was going to kill Minhyuk one day.  
  
“O-oh, Hyungwon! I didn’t know you were here. What’s up?”  
  
“Nothing really. I was just about to leave.” Hyungwon stared at Minhyuk. “Hello Minhyuk.”  
  
Minhyuk smiled at Hyungwon and wrapped an arm around Hoseok.  
“Hello! Sorry to interrupt our short meeting, but Hoseok here was going to take me out for lunch. Want to join us?”  
Hoseok silently praised Minhyuk. Maybe he wouldn’t kill Minhyuk.  
  
“Oh, I would but I’m about to go eat lunch with my partner.”  
  
Oh, how Hoseok hated her. Minhyuk saw the sudden face change in Hoseok’s face and started to pull Hoseok away.  
“Well, bye then!” He yelled as he rushed them out the door.  
  
Hyungwon blankly stared at them leave and shrugged.  
\--  
Hoseok was fuming. He was like a ticking time bomb that exploded over and over.  
  
“Minhyuk, I don’t get it. How is she doing so good?!” He yelled, shoving food in his mouth, nearly choking in the process.  
“I don’t know but, relax Hoseok! Just because they went to lunch together doesn’t mean he actually likes her! She was probably the one who brought up the idea anyways.”  
  
Hoseok cooled down a little at what Minhyuk said. Maybe Minhyuk was right, Hyungwon was the type who rarely went out.  
“Okay true. I’m going out with Hyungwon for dinner anyways.” He sighed, and shoved more food in his mouth. “I need to get my mind off this.”  
  
Minhyuk gladly turned the conversation to something happier.

 When they finished, it was 3:00. Hoseok had three hours to kill before his dinner date with Hyungwon. Minhyuk ran off somewhere to go with his boyfriend, leaving Hoseok all alone.  
  
He sighed, walking around the campus aimlessly.  
The sky was awfully cloudy and dark, it was going to start raining soon. His heart lifted a little at the thought of the rain. He imagined sitting with Hyungwon under the rain, sharing one umbrella, holding hands and-  
His thoughts were interrupted by the petals. He’d forgotten all about them, and now they were threatening to spill out of him in front of everyone. He ran to the nearest building.  
  
Of course, running only made it worse and the petals worked their way faster up his throat.  
Hoseok looked around, thankfully the area he was in now hardly had any people. He hid behind a rather large tree, and the petals were free. The pain in his chest was worsening and he shook harder as the petals made their way out of him. He wheezed and gasped as they made their way out of him. He knew his condition was getting worse. He had to tell Hyungwon soon.  
  
He stared at the amount of petals in front of him and slowly turned around to go home, leaving the petals there. He tried getting his mind off the hint of red he saw on some of the petals.  
\--  
It started to rain and Hyungwon, having only one umbrella, shared it with his partner. She was a bit too close for his comfort, but being the person he is, he beared with it.  
  
“Where’s your dorm?” Noting the time was about 5:30, he had to get to Hoseok. The girl’s endless chatter finally stopped, it was like music to Hyungwons ears.  
“Oh it’s to the left over there.” She pointed. Soon, her chatter started up again. Hyungwon sighed.  
  
They walked for a little more, when they were interrupted by her phone ringing. She took it out, and answered. Hyungwon watched as her face dropped, and tears brimmed her eyes.  
When she ended the call, she started to cry.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Hyungwon asked, a little concerned by her sudden expression change.  
  
“I-it’s my mom.” She sobbed. “She’s b-been rushed to the hospital after getting a-a sudden heart attack.”  
  
“Are you going to go and visit her?”  
  
“I-I wish I could b-but I don’t have a car and the hospital is an hour away.”  
  
Hyungwon thought it over, if he wanted to take her, he’d have to cancel with Hoseok. Hoseok could wait. Couldn’t he?  
“I’ll drive you.” Hyungwon said signaling to where his car and off they went.  
  
When they got in, Hyungwon called Hoseok. He didn’t answer. He called two more times until finally giving up.  
Hyungwon couldn’t do anything else and pulled out of the driveway.  
  
They finally reached the hospital and ran inside. Hyungwon walked her to her mom’s room, then turned to leave.  
“Hyungwon, wait!” She grabbed his hand. “Please stay.” Her eyes were rimmed with red.  
  
As much as Hyungwon wanted to leave, wanting to go and to Hoseok and explain why he wasn’t there, but he knew he couldn’t leave her alone. Not when none of her other family members arrived yet.  
  
“Okay, I’ll stay until your brother comes. But, excuse me I have to go make a call.”  
  
The phone rung, but Hoseok didn’t answer. Hyungwon was slightly frustrated at Hoseok, and was about to go back with the girl until his phone rung. It was Hoseok, he breathed deeply before answering.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hyungwon? Whe-”  
  
“Hoseok, I am so sorry but I have to cancel the dinner meeting tonight. Something came up and I can’t come.” Hyungwon was talking very fast, which worried Hoseok a little.  
  
“Oh… it’s alright. What happened?”  
  
“Something came up with my partner. The one from earlier.”  
  
Hoseok silently sighed, his heart felt like it weighed bricks.  
  
“It’s okay Hyungwon, don’t worry.” Hyungwon noticed his slight change of tone but brushed it off. It sounded quite busy near Hoseok.  
  
“Hoseok… by any chance, were you waiting for me?”  
  
“What? U-uh no Hyungwon I wasn’t. I’m at the library right now.”  
  
But Hyungwon could tell when Hoseok lied. How his voice changed the slightest when he made something up. The frustration Hyungwon felt earlier was replaced with a horrible guilt.  
“Hoseok, are you sure?”  
  
“Yup! Hyungwon I actually have to go. Bye!” Hoseok quickly ended their call.  
  
Hyungwon tried to call Hoseok back, but Hoseok didn’t answer. He sighed angrily, guilt was eating him up. He decided it was best to leave Hoseok alone for now.  
When he sat back down, she reached for his hand. Hyungwon flinched when she grabbed his hand.  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“I-I feel better when I’m holding someone’s hand.”  
  
Hyungwon felt wrong for holding her hand, he felt as if he was cheating. This could count as cheating… but Hoseok and Hyungwon weren’t together. Hyungwon tried so hard to understand his feelings, but he only got more confused every time.  
He desperately wanted to let go of her hand, but the poor girl needed comfort. Hyungwon silently sighed. Her brother came in after 20 minutes. Hyungwon immediately let go of her hand and jumped up.  
  
“I have to go, I’m sorry,” He nodded at her brother. “Goodbye. See you soon.”  
  
Hyungwon ran off, hoping to be back before it’s too late in the night.  
\--  
After he ended the call with Hyungwon, Hoseok immediately called Minhyuk.  
  
“Minhyuk!” He yelled into the phone. He heard Minhyuk sigh on the other side.  
  
“Oh my god Hoseok first you call me while I’m eating then you yell at me! What do you want?”  
  
“I’m coming for a sleepover.”  
  
“What? Last time I checked you ask to come over, not demand it.”  
  
Hoseok rolled his eyes. He really wasn’t in the mood for this.  
“Minhyuk, can I _please_ come for a sleepover.”  
  
“Of course! Why didn’t you ask from before?!”  
Hoseok nearly snapped at Minhyuk. He angrily shut the phone.

 “He what?!” Minhyuk yelled, getting more annoyed by the moment.  
  
“He… he canceled on me.” Hoseok looked down and played with his hands. “But, Minhyuk listen. There was some problem that happened, so it’s fine. I’m just a little upset.”  
  
“A little upset? Hoseok not only did he cancel, he didn’t tell you beforehand. If I were you I’d be more than just a little upset. What was the ‘problem’ anyways?”  
  
“I don’t know… he didn’t specify, he just said something came up with the girl we saw earlier.” Hoseoks voice cracked a little when he mentioned her. He sighed, his chest throbbing more and more by the second. He knew what this meant, the petals, they were threatening him.  
  
“It was with the girl too?! This is worse than I thought, he better have a good explanation tomorrow.”  
  
Hoseok could only nod. The petals were oh so slowly sliding up his throat. He had to excuse himself quickly.  
  
“Um Minhyuk, I’m going to go use the restroom wait here please.”  
  
He quickly got up to leave but Minhyuk grabbed his arm.  
  
“If you’re going to cry, it better be in my sight.”  
  
Hoseok shook his head, if he tried to talk now the petals would probably escape. He pointed to his bladder. Minhyuk raised an eyebrow at him, but wouldn’t let go.  
“You sure?”  
  
Hoseok frantically shook his head yes. One more moment and he wouldn’t be able to control the petals anymore. He imitated a little dance, one that showed his need to go. Minhyuk finally let go, and Hoseok ran to the bathroom.  
  
He quickly shut the door, but didn’t make it to the toilet. The petals were all over the floor. He dropped to his knees, the vomiting making him feel weak, his coughing and gagging were so painful, Hoseok had to lean against the wall for support.  
When he was finished, he looked down at the petals. The usual white petals were now covered in red.  
His eyes widened at the scene in front of him. His hanahaki was getting worse by the minute, now that he had coughed up blood along with the petals. Hoseok was scared and started to panic. He tried to quickly clean everything up.  
  
There was a knock on the door. Hoseok only panicked more.  
“Hoseok… you alright in there?”  
  
The taste of blood was still fresh in his mouth, making him feel disgusted. He heard knocks again, these ones being slightly harder.  
  
“Hoseok? If you don’t answer me I’m breaking the door down.”  
  
“Y-yes, I’m okay.” He tried his best to sound normal, but he couldn’t. His voice was harsh and weak.  
  
“Hoseok, I know you’re lying. Open the door.”  
  
“No, I swear I’m fine!” His voice was a little stronger now, but still pretty different from usual.  
  
He started to dump the tissues he cleaned up with in the toilet.  
He heard fiddling with the door knob. He quickly cleaned up the rest and flushed the toilet. He washed his face and mouth from all the blood.  
When Minhyuk finally opened the door, the evidence was all gone.  
  
“God, Hoseok you scared me I thought something had happened.” He eyed Hoseok as he spoke. “ Anyways, let’s go watch a movie. It’s like 9:30 so we’ll be finished in time to do more things.”  
  
Minhyuk left before Hoseok. Hoseok quietly sighed, thankful Minhyuk didn’t catch him, and followed behind Minhyuk.  
\--  
Hyungwon was speeding down the road. He smirked at the idea, a lawyer to be breaking the law. But desperate times called for desperate measures.  
He tried to call Hoseok again, but it immediately went to voicemail. Hyungwon cursed under his breath. Hoseok had probably turned his phone off or was ignoring him. He glanced at the clock, it flashed 9:30 to him.  
  
By now, Hoseok was probably in the deepest of his sulking. Hyungwon knew him too well, how he’d pretend to be okay for a while but an hour later be in the worst mood ever. He had been driving for 25 minutes now. If he continued in his pace, he’d be back in 30 minutes. Maybe he’d be able to catch Hoseok awake.  
Suddenly there were sirens behind him.  
  
“Fuck it all…” Hyungwon cursed, he quickly pulled over. Slowly he got more and more frustrated. He probably wouldn’t be able to make it in time to Hoseok if interruptions kept appearing. He watched as the officer approached him, clearing his face from any anger.  
  
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”  
  
“No, officer. I actually don’t.” Hyungwon was a law student. He knew exactly how to get out of this ticket-free.  
  
“You were speeding, boy. Why are you in a rush?”  
  
Hyungwon quickly thought of something.  
“My grandmother… she is currently bedridden and only has a few moments left. I wish to make it by her side just in time.” Hyungwon tried his best to look sad.  
“Oh… I’m so sorry to hear that. Let me see your license and I’ll let you go.” Hyungwon pulled his license out and showed the officer. “Alright boy, go ahead. Please drive safely though.”  
  
“Will do.”  
  
And with that, Hyungwon was off. Only to then be caught in traffic. Hyungwon smacked his head against the steering wheel.  
\--  
Hoseok had fallen asleep during the movie. Minhyuk laughed at Hoseok, and went to get him a blanket.  
When Minhyuk came back, he heard Hoseok coughing. He slowly laid the blanket over him, listening to his coughs. They got stronger and stronger, it sounded as if he was choking. Minhyuk slowly grew more and more concerned as his coughs got harsher and harsher.  
  
One last nasty cough, and petals escaped Hoseok mouth.  
  
Minhyuks face froze. He watched as Hoseok only coughed up more and more, eventually some blood coming out with them. He shakily reached for a petal, and examined it. He’d seen petals like this from before, but he couldn’t fondly remember. He stared at the petal for a few more minutes when it hit him.  
 _It’s called Astrantia. I really like it, look at how pretty it is!  
_  
He recalled Hoseok talking about it from before.  
  
“Hoseok…” Tears were stinging his eyes.  
  
Not knowing what to do, Minhyuk called Hyunwoo to ask for help.  
  
“Hello? Minhyuk? Why are you calling so late?”  
  
Minhyuk started to cry.  
“Hyunwoo…” he sniffed into the phone. “Hyunwoo, p-please come and help me. It’s Hoseok.”  
  
“Hoseok? What’s wrong with him?”  
  
But Minhyuk could only sob.  
  
“Minhyuk, wait I’m coming over.”  
  
Minhyuk nodded, even though Hyunwoo couldn’t see him.  
Hyunwoo was over in 10 minutes, his face freezing at the sight infront of him. He quickly ran to Minhyuks side.  
  
“Minhyuk… how long has this been happening?” Minhyuk only shrugged at him.  
  
“I j-just found out about t-this right now.” Minhyuk tried to calm himself down but couldn’t. Hyunwoon soothingly rubbed circles on his back. He checked the time. It was 10:45.  
  
“Minhyuk, do you know who’s the person that caused this?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Minhyuk wiped his tears away.  
  
“Well, Hanahaki can only be cause by a deep one-sided love for someone else.”  
  
“Oh.” Minhyuk looked down a little. “I’m pretty sure it’s Hyungwon.”  
  
Hyunwoo thought a little.  
“Do you think we could reach Hyungwon right now?”  
  
Minhyuk stared at Hyunwoo, how could he have not thought of that from before? He got up and hurriedly grabbed his phone. He was about to dial Hyungwons number when he suddenly stopped in his tracks.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Hyunwoo raised a brow at him, this was not the time to be stalling.  
  
“The thing is Hyunwoo… I don’t know if Hyungwon likes Hoseok or not. What if he doesn’t like him, then what?”  
Hyunwoo hadn’t thought of that. He hesitantly thought of another idea.  
  
“Minhyuk, what if we tried tomorrow morning? I don’t think the hanahaki is fatal right now, so what if we tried to even everything out tomorrow?”  
  
Minhyuk thought about it, he couldn’t risk Hoseoks life.  
  
“No, Hyunwoo, his life could be on the line. We just don’t see it because it’s inside him.”  
  
He dialed Hyungwons number.  
\--  
It was 11:00, Hyungwon had finally come back from the long drive. Everything seemed to be against him right now, the policeman, the traffic, etc. He was walking around aimlessly when he somehow ended up in front of Hoseoks home. He was about to head home but stopped in his tracks.  
  
Maybe it was worth a shot.  
  
He climbed up the stairs to Hoseoks door, and knocked a few times. There was no answer. He rang the doorbell, again receiving no answer. Hyungwon sighed, and decided to camp outside of Hoseoks door, tomorrow morning he’d even things out.  
His phone started, ringing. His heart pounded as he checked who it was. It stopped when he saw that the caller wasn’t Hoseok.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hyungwon! This is Minhyuk. Please come to my house quickly, somethings wrong with Hoseok!” Minhyuks voice was slightly shaking.  
  
Hyungwons heart dropped and he began to run. Was it his fault something happened to Hoseok? He shook his head, it couldn’t be because of him.  
  
Could it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I think this chapter was pretty shitty. I'm an inadequate writer, forgive me.  
> Comments and Kudos are highly appreciated!  
> Thank you for reading :)


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving! I am here with my third chapter, enjoy!

Hyungwon ran, faster than he had ever before. He cursed at himself, blaming himself for what had happened to Hoseok. If only he hadn’t sped, maybe that police officer wouldn’t have stopped him. If only he took another route, maybe he wouldn’t have been caught in traffic. If only he hadn’t offered to drive her--

_ No. _

She needed help, and he was the only one there at the time. If he hadn’t helped her, who would have? Hyungwon shook his head, and turned left. A few more turns, and he’d be at Minhyuks house, who was quite the distance from Hoseoks. 

He was running out of breath but he pushed on, Hoseok needed his help. Pushing too hard, he began to cough, stumbling over his feet and crashing into the ground. He waited only a minute before taking off again, despite that his knees were now burning and his hands aching. He turned a few more times, finally reaching Minhyuks house.

He ran up the steps and banged on the door. The door quickly opened, and a teary Minhyuk stood in the doorway.

“Hyungwon… please.”

Hyungwon pushed past him, and dropped to his knees at the sight. Hoseok was a coughing mess, petals continuously escaping past his lips. He shook harshly, gasping for air after every cough. Hyungwon’s heart ached, words did not make it out of his mouth.

Minhyuk patted his back.

“I...I k-know who caused this to him…” 

Hyungwon turned to him and got up to his full height. He grabbed Minhyuk by the shoulders and shook him.

“Minhyuk, who is it?! Who?! Tell me!” 

But Minhyuk only avoided eye contact. Hyungwons grip on his shoulders tightened, his eyes peering deep into Minhyuk.

“Minhyuk,  _ please _ . Hoseok needs them. They can save him from the hanahaki!”

Minhyuk grew angry, how could Hyungwon still not know? He was slightly shocked at how oblivious Hyungwon was. He harshly fought his arms off him.

“It’s  _ you _ dumbass! He suffered from this, because of  _ you _ !” He yelled, more tears falling out of his eyes. 

Hyungwon stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed. He was too shocked to do anything.

“What the  _ fuck _ , are you standing there for?! He’s dying and all you can do is stand there?!” 

Hyunwoo quickly ran over to Minhyuks side, watching as his lover grew more and more angry. He tried to hold him back, but of course Minhyuk still managed to land a blow to Hyungwons face.

“Minhyuk… stop, it’s not his fault. He didn’t know.” Hyunwoo whispered into the weeping Minhyuks ear, whose chest heaved with each breath.

Hyungwon stumbled a little, the pain bringing him out of his shock. He nodded his head at Minhyuk, mumbling a slight thank you, and rushed to Hoseok.

He shook Hoseok, but he was unresponsive. He felt for Hoseoks pulse, getting a weak and deficient response from him. Fear slowly ate him up.

“C-call the ambulance please” He whispered softly, trying his best to remain calm. Hyunwoo rushed off, quickly grabbing his phone.

“I love you, Hoseok.” He whispered, hoping it would have an effect on him. Hoseok stirred slightly, but his coughs became stronger and harsher.

Hyungwon pulled Hoseok into his arms, whispering his confession over and over. He rocked back and forth, never stopping his words.

“Hoseok, I...I love you so much.” He kissed his forehead. “Wake up please.” 

But Hoseok didn’t wake up, however his coughing eventually came to a stop. 

Hyungwon was running out of ideas, not knowing what to do to express his love for him anymore. Nothing he did seemed to have that much of an effect on him. He stared at Hoseoks face, and slowly, very slowly, leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss.

“Hoseok please,  _ please _ , wake up.” He kissed him again, whispering ‘I love you’ against his lips.

Nothing he did would wake Hoseok up, and he hugged him closer, waiting until the ambulance came. 

He didn’t want to give Hoseok to them, knowing that they’d probably put him through a surgery if he doesn’t wake up before then. Sure, he wanted Hoseok to feel better, but he finally found out his feelings for him were  _ returned.  _ Hoseok  _ loved  _ him, and not only that, he loved Hoseok too. 

He sighed, if only he had realized sooner. Maybe Hoseok wouldn’t have been suffering right now, maybe they would have been together, whispering sweet nothings to each other as they dozed off.

He felt a hand on his cheek, interrupting his thoughts. Hyungwon’s eyes widened as he looked down.

Hoseok was  _ awake.  _ He eyes were open, he was smiling at Hyungwon. But his coughing  started up again. In fact it only got worse, blood staining the white pristine petals more than usual. 

“H-hyungwon…” he managed to choke out, but his voice was strained. Tears were staining his cheeks.

“I… I’m s-sorry that this is h-how you found out my f-feelings for you.” He barely got the words out,  the petals preventing him from doing so. “I… I love you H-hyungwon.” Hoseok tried to grin, but suddenly his eyes rolled back. It was as if those small words took out all the energy from him, and fell back into his unresponsive phase.

Hyungwon only hugged him tighter, tears were stinging his eyes.

“Hoseok, I love you. I love you so much.  _ Please, s _ tay with me.” He pulled back and kissed Hoseok, hesitating when he tasted the blood on his lips.

But it was too late, Hoseok was gone. His pulse was weaker than before, his breathing dry and raspy. He was barely there.

Hyungwon felt his world crashing. 

He hadn’t noticed the officials rushing in, telling him to ‘let go, we’re here’. He slowly let go of Hoseok, whispering ‘I love you’ one last time. Hoseok was being taken away from him, he watched as Hoseoks limp arm hung out as they carried him away.

Minhyuk grabbed his arm and dragged him to the ambulance, pushing him in as they prepared to leave.

He heard Minhyuk shouting something to Hyunwoo, but he also didn’t hear it. He felt Minhyuk wrap his arm around him, but the sensation didn’t register clearly in the moment. Hoseok was all that occupied his mind.

Hyungwon blamed himself. If only he told Hoseok beforehand, if only he didn’t turn Hoseok down all those times for homework. If only he tried harder, instead of deciding he would be content with only watching Hoseok. If only he could change the past.

But what happened happened, and everything would even out in the end. 

_ Right?  _

It was 12:30, when they arrived at the hospital. Hyungwon had been waiting for an hour and a half. He played with his hands, tapped his feet, and tried to sleep in order to get his mind off of Hoseok. The doctors were currently testing him, in order to decide if Hoseok really needed a surgery or not. 

Minhyuk sat near Hyungwon, sighing every now and then. He watched as Hyungwon slowly grew more uneasy by the minute. Wrapping his arm around him, he felt how Hyungwon tensed at the feeling.

“Hyungwon… I understand you’re worried, but don’t worry! Hoseok will get better in no time.”

“But… the surgery…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. 

“What about it? Does it do something bad?” 

Minhyuk did not know much about Hanahaki, he didn’t even know the name. It was only known to him as the disease where you choke on petals. Though, he would have never suspected Hoseok to have it, as Hoseok did not act like how people with it were described to.

“It… the surgery… he’s going to be different after it. But what can I do? I was too late. It’s all my fault.” He covered his face with his hands and sighed. He felt Minhyuk tighten his hold around him.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“If… if you remove the petals, the feelings disappear with it…” His voice was so soft Minhyuk barely heard him. Tears escaped Minhyuks eyes for the third time this night.

“Hyungwon… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” 

Hyungwon glanced at him, his eyes having a dull look to them. Oh how Minhyuk regretted punching him earlier.

“For what?” He sighed, leaning back into his seat and shutting his eyes. “It’s not your fault, Minhyuk. It’s all mine, all mine.” 

“No, Hyungwon liste-”

“Chae Hyungwon?” The doctors were finally out, wearing grim expressions on their face. Hyungwons heart felt heavier with each step he took. 

“Hoseok… he’s not going to make it without the surgery. So, we’ve scheduled him for the surgery to take place in an hour.” He patted Hyungwons back. “I’m sorry.” 

Hyungwon was left alone in the room, only him and Hoseok. He watched at the pained expression Hoseok had on his face, how his chest slowly rose and fell, how he fogged up the mask that was over his mouth.

He sat on Hoseoks bed and layed with him, running his fingers through Hoseoks hair with one hand and intertwining their hands with the other. 

“Hoseok, I love you,  _ please.  _ Wake up, I’m sorry I was too much of a dumbass to realize how much you suffered because of me.” 

He pulled Hoseoks head to his chest, completely embracing him. One arm was under Hoseoks head, the other around his waist.

“Hoseok… I remember when we first met. When you walked up to me, as happy as you’ve always been, stumbling on your own feet. How you acted like nothing happened and shrugged it off, even though everyone was laughing at you. I think that was when I fell in love with you. Or maybe it was when you called me at 3 A.M, sobbing during some movie when the dog died. You made me go to your house in the cold night just to comfort you.” Hyungwon took a deep breath, tears were stinging his eyes. 

“Or maybe it was when we spent that one trip to the beach with everyone else, how you collected every single seashell you could find, pointing out how each one had its own beautiful feature. I still have the one you gave me, saying how it matched me the best.” 

Hyungwon was sobbing by now, hugging Hoseok tightly. 

“Or… or maybe it was when I had a bad day that one time, and you had a sleepover without asking. I still remember how you clung onto me when you were asleep, like if you let go I’d disappear.” 

Hyungwon laughed through his tears, remembering everything Hoseok had done in their past three years together.

“Maybe… I was just falling in love with you over and over, you just gave me more reasons to love you as the days went by.” 

He took a deep, shaky, breath.

“I’m  _ sorry, so, so sorry _ . It’s my fault you’ve been hurting like this. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry Hoseok, please… get well soon.”

He heard knocks on the door, telling him that his time was almost done. He prepared to leave, kissing Hoseok one last time on the forehead.

“Hoseok… it’s okay if you never love me again, heck, it’s okay if you hate me. But I will always,  _ always,  _ love you.” 

Hyungwon left the room, watching as the doctors rushed in and prepared to take Hoseok to the surgery room.

They wheeled Hoseok away, turning down the corridor, and disappearing from sight.

Hyungwon turned to leave, only to be stopped by Minhyuk.

“Hyungwon, where are you going?” 

Hyungwon couldn’t look at him. He didn’t want to see the look in Minhyuks eyes after he told him.

“Home.” 

“Hyungwon, you can’t be serious. Hoseok is going into surgery and you’re going  _ home?” _

“He’s going to be different, Minhyuk, you don’t understand. The surgery will get rid of his feelings for me. I’m pretty sure he’s going to hate me after it!” 

“No, he-”

“Yes, he  _ fucking  _ would. Why wouldn’t he? I made him suffer for quite a long time, I doubt he’d even want to see me when he wakes up.” Hyungwon raised his voice slightly at Minhyuk, immediately regretting it afterwards.

“So you’re just going to leave? You’re going to leave Hoseok, because he won’t ‘love’ you anymore?” Minhyuk glared at Hyungwon, never breaking eye contact with him. 

“Hoseok isn’t like that, you fucking dumbass,” he stepped closer to Hyungwon. “If anything, Hoseok will probably fall back in love with you the minute you walk into the fucking room.”

He took another few steps, until the space between them was barely there.

“Because he’s stupid, Hyungwon, Hoseok is one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met. He clung onto his feelings for you for so long, and you’re just going to walk out on him?” 

The words struck Hyungwon hard, tears were threatening him again. Minhyuk watched as Hyungwons expression changed.

“Minhyuk…”

Minhyuks glare stayed, piercing through Hyungwon. He was angry at him, at Hoseok, at himself. He was angry at Hyungwon, because he seemed to be giving up on Hoseok so easily. He was angry at Hoseok, because he kept the damn Hanahaki a secret for so long. He was mostly, angry at himself, because he feels that most of this was his fault.

He had known that Hoseok liked Hyungwon for quite a long time, but he decided to wait until Hoseok himself told him. It sure took Hoseok more than a few days to tell him. Maybe if he butted in earlier, maybe things could have changed.

Maybe.

But this is now, and he couldn’t spend his time dwelling on the past. Minhyuk escaped his thoughts and came back to reality, where a tired and upset Hyungwon stared at him. He watched as Hyungwon furrowed his eyebrows and finally opened his mouth to say something.

“Minhyuk!” But it wasn’t Hyungwon who called him.

He turned around, looking at a panting Hyunwoo stand near the edge of the hallway. Minhyuk smiled a little at his lover and waved. 

Hyungwon saw this chance, Minhyuk wasn't paying attention. He could leave without being guilt tripped into feelings worse than his right now. He needed to go home and clear his mind.

Hyungwon turned around and began to walk away. Every step he took felt heavier and heavier. He really didn’t want to leave Hoseok.

His head throbbed, he didn’t know if he should leave or stay. Hoseok needed him, but it was already really late. The headache didn’t help either, it only made him lean more to the side of leaving.

Hyungwon made up his mind, he was going to leave, despite everything Minhyuk said.

“Hyungwon.” 

He stopped in his tracks, sighing slightly. He turned around and prepared for Minhyuks wrath. Sure, he was small and skinny, but when he was angry it was quite scary.

“Come back tomorrow. I won’t forgive you if you don’t.” His voice was sharp, but it was softer than before.

Hyungwon nodded, and made his way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y'all are enjoying this fic  
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated! Thank you for reading :)


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the wait, here's the fourth chapter. (It's almost over!)

The light shined through the curtains, attacking Hyungwon directly in the eyes. His face scrunched up immediately, scowling as his sleep was interrupted. He groaned loudly, grabbing a pillow and screaming into it.

Today, of all days, his classes were in the early morning. Usually preferring night classes, he signed up for them for all the days except today. Hoseok was to blame for this, convincing Hyungwon in the cutest way possible to take at least  _ one  _ day in the morning, so they can attend them together. 

Though their majors are very different, Hoseok still managed to have one or two classes with Hyungwon. (It adds to the experience! He would claim when asked why.)

His mind trailed to Hoseok, still a little fucked after last nights events. It was also because of those events, Hyungwon only managed to sleep for an hour or two. Every time he shut his eyes the image of Hoseok surrounded by petals haunted him. 

It was still hard to believe, that Hoseok had loved  _ him. _ He was so sure it was someone else, someone more suiting to Hoseoks taste. It was hyunwoo at first, who he believed that Hoseok liked, only to have the thought shut down when Hyunwoo started dating Minhyuk. He then believed it was a fellow classmate of Hoseoks, she was fairly beautiful, with long hair and delicate features. 

Hyungwon saw how they looked at each other from time to time, how she would sometimes link their arms together when they walked. It was cute, and they so good together. He was so sure they’d date, but was so shocked when he discovered he had rejected her. And that was the last time he had ever seen her. 

The point was, he would have never believed the one that Hoseok loved was him. The thought never having crossed his mind at all. So how could he not notice? Hyungwon was usually good at reading people, how could he have not detected it? And it must have been for quite a long time too, considering how Hoseoks life was on the line because of the petals. 

But why did Hoseok keep it in for so long? Why would he left himself suffer like that? 

Question after question plagued Hyungwons mind, keeping him in bed longer than he had intended. When he finally did glance at the clock beside his bed, it flashing a bright 7:55, he knew he would be late for his first class. (And that he had slept through his 5 alarms)

Groaning once again, he stepped out of bed, a chill running through his spine when his feet made contact with the cold tile. For the first time, Hyungwon actually considered ditching a class. It was only one day, so what harm could it cause? 

But, as much as he wanted to, he knew Hoseok would give him the scolding of a lifetime if he had ever heard about it. Like a lot of other things actually, Hyungwon was been scolded by Hoseok quite a bit. 

He scoffed at the thought, thinking about how cute Hoseok was whenever he was angry. How his eyebrows would furrow together and how, despite the clearly angry tone and flushed cheeks he’d have, a pout would be visible on his face. 

The thought of Hoseok, in general, made Hyungwon feel… sad. It felt weird, and Hyungwon felt a little lost.

Nobody was the same after a surgery to cure Hanahaki, they become indifferent, angry or depressed. It was only a select few who remained the same, but those usually relapse into the Hanahaki. The removal has quite the effects on their emotions too, but usually the symptoms lasted at most a week. Hyungwon was slightly worried, how would Hoseok change? Would he become silent? Would he become angry? Hyungwon chewed on his lip.  _ This _ , this was his fault.

Hyungwon sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to get rid of the thoughts.

But, nonetheless, this was better than anything else. This conclusion was better than Hoseok passing painfully. 

He just wished he didn’t feel so much regret. He wished with all his heart, that things return to normal after Hoseok wakes up. That Hoseok will still smile the same beautiful smile he always has, and laugh the same way he does, loud and exciting. 

How will he be able to get over Hoseok with thoughts like these? Hyungwon sighed, hating himself at times like these. He felt so  _ vulnerable _ .

The alarm clock rang once again, his final alarm of the day, knocking Hyungwon out of his thoughts. This time, the clock flashed 8:10, and with that Hyungwon knew his first class had already started. 

He dreaded it quite a bit, the idea of going through today’s schedule without Hoseok, but he prepared to go through it anyways.

\--

Minhyuk had fallen asleep in the hospital, of course, in the comfort of Hyunwoos arms. The sterile air and bright lights of the place felt pleasing to Minhyuk, but Hyunwoo on the other hand despised it. 

“Minhyuk,  _ please. _ Let’s go home already.” He groaned, rubbing his sore arms after a whole night of holding Minhyuk. He knew that Minhyuk wanted to be the first person that Hoseok had woken up to, and he respected that, but the doctor told them that Hoseok would probably not wake up for another three hours.  _ Three hours,  _ precious time that could be spent doing  _ other  _ things than hang out at the hospital. He felt quite awful too, after all the running and stress that had taken place the previous night, with the sweat that had built up quite a bit, a shower sounded quite nice. The word nice was a bit of an understatement, wonderful sounding more fitting to the situation.

And to conclude that, Hyunwoo needed to go home.

“But Hoseok hasn’t woken up yet!” Minhyuk whined, a pout forming on his face. Hyunwoo quickly looked away, shielding his eyes from Minhyuks face. He knew that Minhyuk always used that look against him when he wanted something, and he always,  _ always,  _ lost to it. It was just too adorable. 

Minhyuk jumped in front of Hyunwoo, that pout of his only becoming larger.

“Hyunwoo, please? He’ll feel lonely if we’re not there.” 

Hyunwoo turned around completely, having almost caught a glimpse of Minhyuks adorable face. He had to win this argument, no matter what happens. He refused to agree with Minhyuk so easily. 

“Baby, listen to me for a second,” knowing full well how Minhyuk had a soft spot for the nickname. “Look at us, we’re sweaty and gross. Our hair probably smells bad, and our skin just looks horrid. You even have  _ blood _ on your shirt! Let’s at least try to look presentable for Hoseok when he wakes up.”

Turning back around, Hyunwoo watched as Minhyuks pout slowly disappeared and a face of contemplation took place. Hyunwoo almost laughed out loud, only a little more and he’d be able to do what he desired most. 

Minhyuk opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly shut it. Hyunwoo was right, what  _ would  _ Hoseok think if he woke up to them like this? He’d probably blame himself, and an infinite amount of apologies would escape his lips to no end.

Minhyuk let out a sigh of defeat, dropping his gaze to the ground as he played with his hands. Hyunwoo reached out to caress Minhyuks cheek, feeling a little apologetic for upsetting his lover.

But, it was for the best.

“Don’t worry baby, we’ll come back as fast as possible.” And upon hearing that, Minhyuks wide grin quickly returned.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Minhyuk grabbed Hyunwoos hand, and started to run. He dragged his muscular lover out of the hospital and to the car, all with Hyunwoo complaining behind him ‘my poor arms, Minhyuk please’ and ‘stop running, Minhyuk please’ but to no avail.

 

And when they did return home, Minhyuk nearly broke the door, trying to get in as fast as possible. 

“Hyunwoo, quickly go take a shower so I can take one after you.” Minhyuk was practically yelling, his words spilling out at the speed of light. Hyunwoo was about to do what he was told, when an idea popped into his head. 

He shuffled back to Minhyuk, and wrapped his arms around him.

“Hyunwoo, what are you doing? This is not the time for stuff like this!” He tried to push Hyunwoo away, but he only held on tighter and his smile grew more.

“Why should we take separate showers, when we can take on together?” 

Minhyuk blushed, pushing his head onto Hyunwoos chest before laughing quietly.

“Lead the way then,” he whispered, and off they went, giggles erupting from the two of them.

\--

It was bright, why was everything so bright? The room was all white too. 

Hoseok blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes used to the bright lighting. He looked around, only to find himself being the only one in the room. 

Where was Minhyuk? And Hyunwoo? He had half expected to find a crying Minhyuk by his side, while a quiet Hyunwoo watched from behind. He had also expected Hyungwon to-

_ Hyungwon. _

_ Hyungwon, Hyungwon, Hyungwon. _

He remembers a faint, fuzzy memory of Hyungwon holding him tightly. He remembers hearing the words ‘I love you’ being whispered into his ear constantly, and he remembers Hyungwon’s oh so pained expression. 

At first, it didn’t dawn on Hoseok, pitying Hyungwon for making him look so sad yesterday. Only after a few minutes, and a high-pitched scream later, Hoseok came to terms with what Hyungwon had said last night.

_ Hyungwon loved him. _

He buried his face in his hands, muffling his curses in between them. Nurses ran into the room, concerned looks and wide eyes watching him. They had marched in prepared, each one holding their own medical device. They quickly ran over to Hoseok, checking his IV, his blood pressure, and everything else. Question after question spilled from their mouths.

Soon after, in the middle of all the chaos, Minhyuk ran in. 

“Hoseok!” he screamed, startling all the nurses in the room. One of the nurses even tripped, spilling water everywhere. Minhyuk earned himself more than a  _ few _ angry stares and glares, and Hoseok erupted with laughter. Of course, laughter that was shut up two seconds later by the excruciating pain from the surgery.

This, led to more angry glares  _ and  _ a scolding, for both Minhyuk and Hoseok.

When they finally left though, Minhyuk took a seat next to Hoseok, his hands immediately going for Hoseoks. 

“Hoseok… are you okay?” Minhyuks voice shook a little, and on came the waterworks. Hoseok giggled slightly, covering his mouth behind his hand before reaching over and running his hand through his hair.

“I’m fine.” But his breath caught in his throat when he thought about Hyungwon once again. He felt nervous, wanting to ask Minhyuk all the questions occupying him. In a way, he was afraid of what Minhyuk would say. 

But he went for it anyways.

“M-Minhyuk, where’s… where’s Hyungwon?” 

Hoseok watched as Minhyuks eyes widened slowly, before he quickly jumped up and grabbed both of Hoseoks hands.

“Do you…” Minhyuk had some sort of shine in his eyes, he seemed to be hopeful for something. “Do you still love Hyungwon?” 

Hoseok gripped Minhyuk’s hand tighter, and opened his mouth to answer. Did he love Hyungwon? He did, didn’t he? So why was he unsure? 

He has loved him for quite a while now, three years to be exact. Why  _ was _ Minhyuk asking all of a sudden?

“Minhyuk, I-” 

The sound of the door opening interrupted him, and all eyes in the room watch as it slowly slid open.

_ Hyungwon. _

He seemed a little nervous and clammy, which was unusual for Hyungwon. Hyungwon had always maintained a calm and composed look, so seeing him like this worried Hoseok a little. They watched Hyungwon, waiting for him to enter the room, but he made no effort to enter the room.

Hyungwon stood there, leaning on the door frame. He smiled softly when Hoseok watched him with a surprised look, but other than that he did nothing else.

“Hyungwon?” Hoseok softly called, trying to get him to enter the room.

And slowly, Hyungwon took slow strides to the bed. A bouquet of chocolate flowers was laid on the table, and Hyungwon whispered “I’m glad you’re okay,” before he walked out of the room again.

All three of them were stunned, unable to say anything. They hadn’t expected this of Hyungwon, especially not Minhyuk. He had expected something more…  _ sappy. _

Minhyuk was the first to snap out of his trance, and he jumped up, running out of the room to catch up to Hyungwon.

But he was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for waiting for me. I appreciate it a lot :').  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, comments and kudos are highly appreciated!


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LATE THIS WAS, MY TEACHERS WENT INTO FULL-ASSHOLE MODE THIS SEMESTER.  
> But I am finally here with the final chapter! Please enjoy :)

The last day in this shitty, bright and white place, has finally rolled around after two long months. Hoseok had gotten sick of the sterile air, and the and how everything was  _ so white _ . He found himself craving real colors more than once, trying to sneak out of the hospital occasionally. Only to, of course, be hunted down by Minhyuk and many,  _ many _ , nurses. 

But at last, the current night was the last night, and he layed there in boredom. It was a bit after midnight, but sleep didn’t seem to be arriving anytime soon.  He was wide awake, his eyes darting from thing to thing, trying to find something to bring entertainment. This white room, with the white curtains, the white bed, white  _ slippers _ that were given to him, his white clothing, all made him despise the color white more than he’d like to. (Despite how pure of a color it is)

In the end, getting  _ too _ bored to handle another moment in all the horrendous white, he decided to sneak out, preparing himself to leave as he slipped on the horrid white slippers. But to his luck, the moment he had pushed himself off the bed, he heard the door rattling, and he threw himself back into his first position. Somewhere, in the action of it all, his knuckle hit the bed frame, and he could do nothing but muffle his yelp behind his lips.

He closed his eyes, in an attempt to “sleep”, hoping that they wouldn’t catch on. (Though, a nurse would have known  _ anyways _ .). A conversation in the moment seemed dreadful, so he relaxed, exhaling deeply and loosening up his muscles. His mind raced as the door opened, slow footsteps striding to where he lay. 

They took a seat next to him, a deep sigh escaping their lips. Maybe it wasn’t a nurse, and it brought a little sense of ease to him. (He loathed it when nurses came to visit him, knowing they they stayed much longer than needed just to “chat”).

“Hoseok, I….” the person started, and suddenly Hoseok wasn’t as relaxed as before. Once the voice reached his ears, a wave of panic rushed through him.  _ Hyungwon. _

He felt Hyungwon’s hand take his, softly rubbing circles on the back of it. Warmth rushed through him, and it felt a little faint. It wasn’t like what he usually felt with Hyungwon, the painful love that used to course through him. It was… soft, and balmy. 

It concerned Hoseok a little, why  _ did  _ he feel this way? The same nervosity was there, but he seemed to be in a state of confusion. The feelings that ran through him had no clear sign. 

“I…” Hyungwon started again, sounding very tired and just… wistful. Hoseok wanted to talk, to express his emotions, to comfort Hyungwon, but he chose to remain silent, waiting for the other to finish his words. 

“I’ve decided Hoseok,” Hyungwon’s voice shook a little, and Hoseok could hear him running his hand through his hair, a loud sigh coming from him yet again.

“I’m…” the words seemed to fight against him, trying so hard to not be spoken. But he demanded them to be free, not matter how hard they held onto his tongue, or how they clustered in his throat. He needed to speak these words to be truly free, to not have any more regrets. 

“I love you, Hoseok.” he whispered, the rubbing of his fingers to Hoseok’s hand coming to a stop, and he squeezed it instead. And Hoseok had to fight everything in him to now shoot his eyes open, asking Hyungwon to repeat the words again. 

“But,” Hoseok’s heart dropped, hearing the hesitance in Hyungwon’s words. “ _ I’m going to let you go,”  _

Hoseok didn’t understand his words that clearly, his mind flying from thought to thought. What did Hyungwon mean? 

“I’m…” he took a deep shaky breath, exhaling as he repeated his words. “I’m going to let you go.” 

Hyungwon stood up, watching the somewhat peaceful look on Hoseok’s face, before he bent down to kiss his forehead. One more moment of silence, and he turned to leave, his slow strides going down the corridor until Hoseok could no longer hear them. 

When he was sure Hyungwon was gone, he shot up, wincing slightly at the sudden movement. His heart rapidly beat, and small confusion settling in him.

It was only then, when it finally dawned on him,  _ that Hyungwon thought he didn’t love him anymore.  _ And he wished that he could just jump out of this horrid bed and run to wherever the taller was, just to tell him that he  _ did love him.  _

Or at least, he knew he did, refusing to let the surgery take his feelings away. Because even after that long procedure, none of Hoseok’s opinions changed about Hyungwon. The younger still brought the same bubbly feeling that bloomed in him, the same grin that wanted to be plastered on his face at the thought of him, the same burning of his cheeks. He could admit, that it was a little less after that damned procedure, but it was still there, and he refused to ignore it.

Maybe, he had just fallen for Hyungwon once again. 

\--

The morning had finally rolled around, and Hoseok hadn’t slept a wink due to the nervosity that bubbled in him. The doctors and nurses stalled him for a good two hours, checking and going over things once more, giving him warning after warning of things not to do. He wasn’t allowed to exercise or do “anything that might make you tired easily”, and a long list of foods he couldn’t eat was shoved into his hands. 

But Hoseok hardly cared, anyways. He subtly rolled his eyes whenever the doctor turned around, wanting nothing but to just be free from all this  _ white.  _ Indeed, being stuck in one color for too long was quite suffocating. 

And finally, he sighed himself out of the hospital, taking quick steps as he neared the door, excitement coursing through him. The cool wind blew past him, the fresh air entering him and pushing out all the sterilized oxygen from his lungs. He loved the bright blue sky, the shining yellow sun, the dark gray clouds that were slowly rolling in, the green trees, the black roads, the red lights,  _ everything.  _

It was so calming to see all those colors that he missed so dearly. Hoseok heard his name called, turning to the bright boy, Minhyuk. His grin also soothed him, smiling just as wide once he laid eyes on it. 

“I want-” Hoseok started, thinking of all the wonderful food he could be eating. 

“Ramyun,” Minhyuk cut him off, finishing his sentence for him. He sighed, laughing slightly. “I already got a cab for us, let’s go.” 

The older almost skipped to it, had Minhyuk not grabbed his wrist in the last moment, warning him of the  _ same  _ things the doctor did. Pouting, Hoseok let himself get dragged away to his main love, ramyun. 

\--

_ “What?”  _ Minhyuk gasped, inhaling harshly on a noodle, and going into a coughing fit after it went down his throat too quickly. Once he had calmed down, clearing his throat loudly, he turned back to the blond.

“He’s going to ‘let you go’? What does that mean?” He asked, letting some kimchi soak into his ramen bowl. Once it had soaked enough, he picked it up, angrily chewing while he waited for Hoseok to reply. 

“I’m not sure,” Hoseok started, swishing his noodles around in his bowl in deep thought. “But… I don’t want to know what he means, Minhyuk.” 

His eyes expressed his deepest concerns, his eyebrows furrowing as he searched for advice in Minhyuk’s face. But the ravenette was just as confused, eating the last of his noodles in one gulp. Setting his chopsticks down and sighing contently, he eyed the half-full bowl in front of the older. 

“You’re not going to eat?” He asked, baffled at how Hoseok pushed at his  _ favorite food.  _

“I’m not that hungry, I guess,” he said, sighing as his thoughts continued to trouble him. He bit his lip, chewing on it as he thought of what to do. He was afraid, in a way, that Hyungwon was actually going to go through with his words, that he was actually going to ‘let him go’. That… Hyungwon was going to leave. 

A feeling of dread pooled into him, and he felt so hopeless. 

“Hey,” Minhyuk called, waving his hand in front of Hoseok’s face. “Why don’t you go see him? Like right after this,” he motioned with his hands as he talked, trying to keep the other’s attention.

“Should I?” Hoseok replied, unsure if he really should. Because after last night, his confidence had completely disappeared. He chewed on the bottom on his chopstick, uncertainty flooding him. 

“Do it!” Minhyuk exclaimed, reaching over the table and smacking Hoseok on the arm. “I’ll take you to him, so-” he spoke, pointing to the bowl in front of the other. “Finish that, muster up some courage, and I’ll call Hyunwoo to take us to the Uni.” 

Hoseok felt a little suffocated, clearing his throat several times as he attempted to eat. Minhyuk got up, ready to go make the call when it happened. 

Hoseok coughed, once twice, his hand covering his mouth. When he pulled his hand away there it was, a small, white, astrantia petal. 

\--

He wandered around the university, in hopes of finding the younger  _ soon.  _ It was back, the horrid disease had already returned, haunting him. It was no wonder, that his feelings were still lingering after the surgery, it all just seemed to click in his head perfectly. 

In a way, Hoseok was a bit relieved, that his feelings were still there. He  _ knew  _ that it wouldn’t be that easy to rid him of feelings that grew more and more over the course of three years.

But in a way, he was also afraid, how he had relapsed so quickly. How the plant had already sprouted its seed inside his lungs, its petals already threatening him. He took fast steps, but not fast enough to put him in any danger. 

Minhyuk and Hyunwoo had driven off together, going to the other side of the campus to search for the taller. He just hoped that he would find Hyungwon before they did, all in hope of having their conversation privately. (He knew that Minhyuk loved listening around).

He searched all the places Hyungwon could be, the law buildings, the libraries about law and criminal justice, the restaurant that he visited so often. But he was no where, and Hoseok grew a little restless, sitting in the middle of the many trees that surrounded his uni. He knew that Hyungwon was around during that time, he just couldn’t figure out  _ where.  _ And it made his head throb, wanting to just lock himself away in the safety of his home. 

He knew, though, that had he not done this, he would never hear the end of it from Minhyuk, and Hyungwon might slip from his grasp. 

It was in that moment, too, he saw the taller wander by. His slick black button down shirt tucked into his black, ripped, skinny jeans. Hoseok’s heart melted at the sight, his face burning, and he could feel the petals threatening to burst out of him. The younger must have not noticed him, walking at his normal pace past him, fiddling with his sleeves as he walked along. 

This was Hoseok’s chance, this was his moment. This was it. 

“Hyungwon!” A voice called, it’s pitch much higher than Hoseok’s. The two men both turned to the voice, and Hoseok immediately frowned. There she was, the girl who’s name he didn’t know, running towards Hyungwon. 

“Oh,” He heard Hyungwon say, and Hoseok inched from behind the trees to get closer. “What’s up?” 

“U-umm,” she started, twirling her hair between her fingers. Hoseok noticed, that she had more makeup than usual, and she looked quite nice. But it didn’t stop him from detesting her. “H-hyungwon, I…” she whispered, with Hoseok barely able to hear her from his spot. But he knew where it was going, and it didn’t feel good. He wished he could run away, to get away from them, but he also didn’t want to be found. 

“I-I love y-you, Hyungwon,” She said, peeking up at Hyungwon every now and then, batting her eyelashes at him. “P-please,” she kicked a rock from underneath her shoe, swinging her leg as she continued her words. “Please think about my confession.” 

Despite how much he didn’t want to, Hoseok looked to see Hyungwon’s expression, just to observe how he had reacted. And it was just how he had expected it to be, shocked, eyes wide, his face having a small tint of pink. 

“Jihyun, I…”  _ So that’s her name,  _ Hoseok quickly thought, before returning to more important things. He had to get out of there, not wanting to hear Hyungwon’s next words. Crawling away, he tried his best not to make any sound, until however, his coughs erupted, sending petal after petal out of him. 

Hyungwon and Jihyun quickly turned to face the coughing boy, who quickly recovered from his coughing fit. Hoseok spun around, quickly apologizing before turning once again, running as fast as he could. 

The doctor warned him many times not to run, not to tire himself out, but  _ fuck that.  _

And Hyungwon, he quickly turned to Jihyun, his face full of concern. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking to the side as he laughed sheepishly. “I still love him.” and with that, he too, ran as fast as his long legs could go. He heard Jihyun yell from behind him, something along the lines of “Wait, Hyungwon!” but she wasn’t at the top of his concerns. He needed to catch up to Hoseok, knowing that this was dangerous for him, acknowledging the fact that the older had  _ just  _ been released from the hospital. 

It didn’t take him long to catch up to the blond, yelling “Hoseok!” and drawing attention from eyes everywhere around them. “Hoseok, stop!” 

But the older only ran faster, or at least he tried to, but suddenly he was hit by a wave of dizziness. And soon, the world around him seemed to be spinning, feeling himself slow down in his steps. He felt a hand grab his wrist, spinning him around, their grip tight on him. 

But the minute he caught glimpse of the person in front of him, of Hyungwon, the dizziness got the best of him, and he collapsed in his arms. 

The last thing he heard were calls of his name, and then nothing. 

\--

Hoseok slept in Hyungwon’s bed, the taller’s blankets pulled up to just underneath his chin. Hyungwon had called in one of those home doctors, who checked him and fortunately, said that Hoseok was fine, just needing to rest a little. 

So Hyungwon sat there, having pulled a chair out next to the bed, refusing to leave from his spot. It angered him how he had been the reason the older was hurt once again, but he needed to do this. He had to settle things with the sleeping boy, needing to know if he really did have to let him go. 

It pained him to even think about it, but he just wanted to free Hoseok from the cycle of pain he was stuck into. And the petals too, he never wanted to see them come from the blond ever again. 

Hours raced by, and the older was still sound asleep. Hyungwon refused to let himself sleep, too, fighting himself every time his eyes slipped closed. 

And eventually, when the hours had reached the evening, the older shifted in his sleep, groaning as he slowly opened his eyes. Hoseok slowly sat up, completely unaware of the younger watching him. His hair was a mess, and he pouted as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Coughing a few times, Hoseok looked around, before finally locking eyes with the younger. 

He sharply inhaled, pulling his lips into a thin line. Not knowing what to do, he dropped his gaze from the younger’s piercing one, twirling his thumbs together. A tension developed between them, but it wasn’t awkward.

The moment was anything but awkward, it was just  _ strange.  _

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered, not knowing where to start, or what to say in general. “I- I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Hoseok asked, turning to face the younger, a small frown embracing his features. “Hyungwon, you always apologize, but I never know why!” 

Hyungwon was a little taken aback, not expecting the sudden explosion from the other. But it made him feel a little better, that Hoseok was still the same as he usually was. 

“What are you sorry for, Hyungwon?” his voice was a little softer this time, and now, his gaze was the one piercing into the other.

_ “I hurt you, Hoseok.”  _ He looked so upset, so pained, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes shifting their gaze from feature to feature on the older’s face. 

“No, you didn’t! Hyungwon, it was all me, not you.” He dropped his gaze from the younger, returning his attention to his hands. They had so many words on their tongues, so many things that caught in their throats, so many emotions that they feared would spill out. 

“I hurt  _ you,  _ Hyungwon.” he whispered, refusing to look at him. He saw Hyungwon’s hand slowly reach for his, taking it softly and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. 

“You didn’t hurt me,” his voice lowered, matching Hoseok’s in tone. “God, Hoseok,  _ you’d never hurt me.”  _

Another silence fell in between them, and the continued to look towards each other, their eyes shifting from feature to feature on each others faces. 

“Are you,” Hoseok whispered, not wanting to say his next words. But he needed to, and he willed them to do so. It had to be finally settled. “Are you… are you going to ‘let me go’?” 

He dropped his gaze back to their hands, how Hyungwon moved his thumb so slowly around his palm, repeating the movement over and over. It was comforting, in a away. It made Hoseok feel more calm, letting him think a little more clearly. 

“That was…,” Hyungwon started, squeezing the olders hand. He didn’t want to tell Hoseok his reason for such words, knowing that it’ll just make him more upset. The older was a soft sensitive person, Hyungwon knew that. “That was wrong, Hoseok.” 

And the most subtle blush appeared across the olders face, it was barely noticeable, but it was there, and it encouraged Hyungwon. 

“I’ll…,” he whispered, looking directly at him, even though his gaze was avoided. “I’ll never let you go.” 

He moved from the chair to the spot next to Hoseok, cupping his cheeks and forcing him to maintain eye contact with him. 

“I can never let you go,” he whispered again, refusing to break eye contact with the other. Hoseok’s blush grew a little more, leaning more into the touch of Hyungwon’s hands. 

“But,” Hyungwon spoke again, leaning a little closer to Hoseok, but not close enough for any tension to build up once again. “Let me apologize one more time, please?” His voice was so soft at the end, so desperate to get things through. 

“I love you, Hoseok,” he started, clearly not knowing where he was going with his words. But he continued, anyways. “I’m sorry, I- I love you, so much. I thought that staying away would help with  _ something,  _ but it only made things worse.” He took a deep, shaky breath, sighing once before continuing.

“And, I- I just hurt you even more, Hoseok. The Hanahaki, too, it’s already back,  _ and it’s all my fault.” _ Hyungwon closed his eyes, dropping his head slightly. He couldn’t bear looking at the blond, guilt eating him up completely. 

“I am so sorry Hoseok, I’m sorry for ever hurting you, I’m sorry for ever letting you have any doubt, for letting you-” 

“I love you, too, Hyungwon.” Hoseok whispered, trying to fight back the tears that made their way to his eyes. But it was too late, and he bit his lip as he quietly sobbed. 

Hyungwon was quick to start wiping his tears away, and hesitantly kissing them off his face. He leaned back in, pausing just slightly, letting their lips brush together. He whispered “I love you,” before pushing them against Hoseok’s in a soft and smooth way. 

He felt how the older melted into it, his hands sliding up to cling to Hyungwon’s shirt. It wasn’t like how they first kiss, desperate and needy, rough in a way, even though the other wasn’t conscious at the time. 

“I love you,” Hyungwon repeated once they pulled away, not knowing why he did. It just felt as if he needed to make up for  _ something,  _ something that ate away at him.

And Hoseok, he felt himself breathe properly, the suffocating feeling finally leaving him. He took deep breaths, inhaling slowly, enjoying how there wasn’t a stuffy feeling present at all times. 

_ The Hanahaki was gone.  _

It took him nearly four years, four years of pain and petals, four years of failed attempts for confessions, four years of running away with no reason. And the tears returned, once again, unable to stop them from sliding down his cheeks. 

Hoseok pulled away from Hyungwon, scooting to the side of the bed and laying down. He patted the side next to him, encouraging the younger to join him. And he did, wiping the tears from the older once more, kissing just below his eyes as he settled in. 

Hyungwon pulled Hoseok into his arms, letting his face rest in his chest. His hands played with his hair and patted his back, already sending Hoseok far into dreamland. As his eyelids slowly grew heavier, and as sleep was taking over once more, he felt a kiss placed on his forehead.

The last thing he heard was, “I love you,”. 

They slept in each other’s arms, sleeping the best sleep they had of all their days. (Despite the persistent buzzing of their phones, knowing it was none other than Minhyuk.)

 

(Months later, and Hoseok has moved into Hyungwon’s apartment. He cooks for the two of them, though it’s mostly ramen, while attempting to teach Hyungwon a thing or two about cooking. Despite how Hoseok had always commented on Minhyuk and Hyunwoo when they were together, he couldn’t seem to get enough of Hyungwon, earning him an earful every time. Their days were exciting, and their nights were restless (sometimes, a bit  _ too  _ much), and they were happy. 

After four long years of pain and loneliness, they were happy.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for every comment, every kudo, every read ;-;   
> It all means so much to me. I hope you liked the ending!   
> Comment's and kudos are highly appreciated!
> 
> Come see me on twitter! @hyungwonho__


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